Sunday, 6 July 2014

Because she still expects

With a lovely gown pink in color
She goes to a restaurant with pleasant ambience
Expecting her *man* to be in formals
She moves her eyes here and there
“Maybe it is a corner table one can’t see...
  Or may be a table reserved one can’t reach...
  Maybe he is in first-class section...
  Oh! I can’t resist to have a look...
  Darling...where are you? "

drifting here and there she finally occupies a table
the geyser of thoughts has come into action
when flashes a text on a glossy pink cell
" comng withn 10 min, catch u."

radiance of her face is still charming
pouted lips and cheeks pinky
her hair is gold and color is silver
her face has an innocence inexplicable
her eyes have depth, deeper than any ocean
her peaceful heart has violent emotions
with ecstasy lurks pain, fear and sadness

here comes a charming *boy*
a cool T white in color
a blue jeans that a gal never notices
Yeah. i like him for his simplicity
but his act indicates that it is at least not a date for him
a smiling face but
empty handed
neither flowers for the lovely lady
nor chocolates for initiating a tempting feast
“sorry, i was late... i made you wait.
  and why on a corner table...
  all alone...
  one can’t have the full view here...
  let’s go to that one... "

view is not what i want
the show off of restaurant is not what i have to see
all i want is you, you and you.
with you i am never alone
without you i am always.
you are immature. don’t u understand, baby! i love you
i miss you more than every breath i take.
i want to feel the warmth i have being with you
i want to speak, speak and speak when nobody listens but you
i want to look you, your smile, your face...
look the depth i find in you...just to be lost in it.
i want to be carried away by the wind of your love
and i don’t say breeze because it isn’t
my love for you is silent but violent..

"oh yeah, as you say".

expecting a compliment from her man
waiting for him to notice her long hair
that she untied for the first time
she not lifting her eyes to match with his
her heart still expecting for something caressing

"what will you have for the dinner?"
"you order for me. "
"yeah, surely."
"it feels so nice to dine with you, that too after a long time.
  you are my best friend. "
"no, we are each other's best friend."
"oh! so, what is your defintion of a best friend. "

darling, i have always been wanting to know you,
to sneak a peek into your mind..
whatever you say..whatever you dont..
will help me to know you better.
will help me to know your best friend better.
with you, i forget who am i
with you speaking about me, i know my part
i get the proof that i exist
i know myself as an individual.. as a a lover..
i know how witty i am though you make me go crazy sometimes..
i am that scorpio running after your shadow
in a hot and a dry desert

"its somebody who gives me a good treat on a sunday night. "
"you dumb!  no. i am not throwing any treat this time. no birthday; no job's first day;  no break-up to be cheered…no treat for you an a**hole.
you shall give me treat this time. remember, that bournville for which you didnt pay me last time. "
" what the f***! i knew this. you will never change. you still remember that bournville! and what about that bucks which i gave to that f**king  police officer to free you when you  hit that bicycle."
"bicycle! i still have that scar which i got.
  when you made me fall
  at the age of 5 and yours 7 i guess. "
both of us were laughing like idiots.
he made me laugh until my eyes were wet
and he enjoys my company more than anybody else.
you did this thing again, you prove it every time that
you are the bestest friend one can ever have..
but still it pricks me more than anything else
my heart crys with a loud silence
the friendly you are, the more i feel you distant from me..
the more you make me laugh, the more i cry for you
your growing closeness with me
is an alarm that we can never be linked
you can never think for me the way you do for her

" i told as you said, presented her with a big bouquet
  on her birthday. she loved receiving it.
  i saw that glitter in her eyes.
  probably she feels for me. "
remember the day when you gave me bouquet
i had tears in these eyes
i was so much happy and so much moved
in my dreams i had stepped on moon
i got so many but yours were special
why didnt you see those tears, darling
do i need to speak everything
why cant you read my eyes
they are passionate with love for you
they close every night with your thoughts
only to open up every morning to see you, to smell you, to cherish your being.. to feel your very being.

finishes the dinner
and he gets up in no time
my heart longing just for a few moments.
we are friends, he is not my man to love me with hours and hours
he does what is supposed to be done
i am crazy to demand what i dont deserve.

he pays the bill without letting me know.
he bids me farewell after he had dropped me home
i am reassuring him that she ll say yes within a day or two.
he punches me on my back and i am running after him to take revenge
he is a *child* and i become the same with him.
this is something which i love
being a child is an impossible task for me
i lost it the very day i found it
but he is a magician to do that within no time
but, a few things which you love
could make you cry sometimes..
cry immense and immense
and that too when it is pointless
i cry because we acting like that
snatches even the very little hope I had had
hope that a day will come
when he will be with me
the way a man is with her

it had been 3 months i remember
he engrossed in his job and me in my work
no calls, no messages, no sweet gifts being shared
when he calls me like an unpredicted shower in a desert

"are you free today? i am gonna catch you at this moment"
" yeah, that's fine. you are most welcome. "

the way a sunflower bends towards sun
same way I am  inclined for him
a few drops of water on dry land and
and it absorbs it as if they only belonged to them
same way, you are for me, honey!
i do not like your presence
i just happen to die in your absence
you  said sharp 2 pm
its 2.15
i ask: "where are you? "

within a few minutes rings the door bell
and we spend a meeting the way we ever had

it had been 4 days and i am not out of it
in front of me lays a wedding card
of him and her
what has happened that has left you bewildered
this day had to come: today, tomorrow or day after
if you cant be his
somebody has to
"and she is a nice girl to marry to
 and yeah, she is soft, innocent, weak and needs protection
 she has nobody in life but me
 she is childlike to dont understand the world
 she is a nightingale of my dreams"
his words are echoing into my ears
I feel suffocted and choking
it feels that the breath is poisened
it feels that water i drinks is drying me up
wearing makeup makes me feel ugly
i have a vacuum nobody could fill in

a friend is something i want at this stage
but what if my only friend is responsible for this pain
ops! i am sorry for the above line
he is too divine to give me pain
but for me it was too pain to love him divine

i feel that the earth has stopped its motion
because i coulnt see the sun rising
the last time i met him
it was dark
and then the sun never rose
when he left me with that wedding card
it was a full moon a few moments back
i look my face into the moon
asks from the almighty
" am i not beautifull or a face a man can never notice ?
  but he said that looks were temporary, and a beautifull heart is what he wants! "
but her heart had always been beating for others
then where did the things go wrong ?

I cried when i missed him
but, today i am not
my eyes are dry
I am silent
no turbulence, no violence, no disorder
I am quiet and smiling
but managed to bring a tear down my cheek

a few more days passed away
and finally comes the day of his wedding
he is handsome as he always had been
his bride is an angel descended down from heaven
the groom is searching for his best friend
but, the lovely lady wont come .

rings the man his best friend
“ no, i cannot pick up the call .
 i really would not be able to explain
pick up the call dammit!
may be he realised.
may be that girl ditched him.
may be he now wants me.
may be i am more pretty than she is. "
" hey. where are you?
  i am getting married in a few minutes
  wont you come dear? "
“Yeah, jus coming, on the way.”

Because she still expects.
She still expects his approval
She still expects his love.

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