Because she still expects

With a lovely gown pink in color

She goes to a restaurant with pleasant ambience

Expecting her *man* to be in formals

She moves her eyes here and there

“Maybe it is a corner table one can’t see...

  Or may be a table reserved one can’t reach...

  Maybe he is in first-class section...

  Oh! I can’t resist to have a look...

  Darling...where are you? "

drifting here and there she finally occupies a table

the geyser of thoughts has come into action

when flashes a text on a glossy pink cell

" comng withn 10 min, catch u."

radiance of her face is still charming

pouted lips and cheeks pinky

her hair is gold and color is silver

her face has an innocence inexplicable

her eyes have depth, deeper than any ocean

her peaceful heart has violent emotions

with ecstasy lurks pain, fear and sadness

here comes a charming *boy*

a cool T white in color

a blue jeans that a gal never notices

Yeah. i like him for his simplicity

but his act indicates that it is at least not a date for him

a smiling face but

empty handed

neither flowers for the lovely lady

nor chocolates for initiating a tempting feast

“sorry, i was late... i made you wait.

  and why on a corner table...

  all alone...

  one can’t have the full view here...

  let’s go to that one... "

view is not what i want

the show off of restaurant is not what i have to see

all i want is you, you and you.

with you i am never alone

without you i am always.

you are immature. don’t u understand, baby! i love you

i miss you more than every breath i take.

i want to feel the warmth i have being with you

i want to speak, speak and speak when nobody listens but you

i want to look you, your smile, your face...

look the depth i find in you...just to be lost in it.

i want to be carried away by the wind of your love

and i don’t say breeze because it isn’t

my love for you is silent but violent..

"oh yeah, as you say".

expecting a compliment from her man

waiting for him to notice her long hair

that she untied for the first time

she not lifting her eyes to match with his

her heart still expecting for something caressing

"what will you have for the dinner?"

"you order for me. "

"yeah, surely."

"it feels so nice to dine with you, that too after a long time.

  you are my best friend. "

"no, we are each other's best friend."

"oh! so, what is your defintion of a best friend. "

darling, i have always been wanting to know you,

to sneak a peek into your mind..

whatever you say..whatever you dont..

will help me to know you better.

will help me to know your best friend better.

with you, i forget who am i

with you speaking about me, i know my part

i get the proof that i exist

i know myself as an individual.. as a girl..as a lover..

i know how witty i am though you make me go crazy sometimes..

i am that scorpio running after your shadow

in a hot and a dry desert

"its somebody who gives me a good treat on a sunday night. "

"you dumb!  no. i am not throwing any treat this time. no birthday; no job's first day;  no break-up to be cheered…no treat for you an a**hole.

you shall give me treat this time. remember, that bournville for which you didnt pay me last time. "

" what the f***! i knew this. you will never change. you still remember that bournville! and what about that bucks which i gave to that f**king  police officer to free you when you  hit that bicycle."

"bicycle! i still have that scar which i got.

  when you made me fall

  at the age of 5 and yours 7 i guess. "

both of us were laughing like idiots.

he made me laugh until my eyes were wet

and he enjoys my company more than anybody else.

you did this thing again, you prove it every time that

you are the bestest friend one can ever have..

but still it pricks me more than anything else

my heart crys with a loud silence

the friendly you are, the more i feel you distant from me..

the more you make me laugh, the more i cry for you

your growing closeness with me

is an alarm that we can never be linked

you can never think for me the way you do for her

" i told as you said, presented her with a big bouquet

  on her birthday. she loved receiving it.

  i saw that glitter in her eyes.

  probably she feels for me. "

remember the day when you gave me bouquet

i had tears in these eyes

i was so much happy and so much moved

in my dreams i had stepped on moon

i got so many but yours were special

why didnt you see those tears, darling

do i need to speak everything

why cant you read my eyes

they are passionate with love for you

they close every night with your thoughts

only to open up every morning to see you, to smell you, to cherish your being.. to feel your very being.

finishes the dinner

and he gets up in no time

my heart longing just for a few moments.

we are friends, he is not my man to love me with hours and hours

he does what is supposed to be done

i am crazy to demand what i dont deserve.

he pays the bill without letting me know.

he bids me farewell after he had dropped me home

i am reassuring him that she ll say yes within a day or two.

he punches me on my back and i am running after him to take revenge

he is a *child* and i become the same with him.

this is something which i love

being a child is an impossible task for me

i lost it the very day i found it

but he is a magician to do that within no time

but, a few things which you love

could make you cry sometimes..

cry immense and immense

and that too when it is pointless

i cry because we acting like that

snatches even the very little hope I had had

hope that a day will come

when he will be with me

the way a man is with her

 princess

it had been 3 months i remember

he engrossed in his job and me in my work

no calls, no messages, no sweet gifts being shared

when he calls me like an unpredicted shower in a desert

"are you free today? i am gonna catch you at this moment"

" yeah, that's fine. you are most welcome. "

the way a sunflower bends towards sun

same way I am  inclined for him

a few drops of water on dry land and

and it absorbs it as if they only belonged to them

same way, you are for me, honey!

i do not like your presence

i just happen to die in your absence

you  said sharp 2 pm

its 2.15

i ask: "where are you? "

within a few minutes rings the door bell

and we spend a meeting the way we ever had

it had been 4 days and i am not out of it

in front of me lays a wedding card

of him and her

what has happened that has left you bewildered

this day had to come: today, tomorrow or day after

if you cant be his

somebody has to

"and she is a nice girl to marry to

 and yeah, she is soft, innocent, weak and needs protection

 she has nobody in life but me

 she is childlike to dont understand the world

 she is a nightingale of my dreams"

his words are echoing into my ears

I feel suffocted and choking

it feels that the breath is poisened

it feels that water i drinks is drying me up

wearing makeup makes me feel ugly

i have a vacuum nobody could fill in

a friend is something i want at this stage

but what if my only friend is responsible for this pain

ops! i am sorry for the above line

he is too divine to give me pain

but for me it was too pain to love him divine

i feel that the earth has stopped its motion

because i coulnt see the sun rising

the last time i met him

it was dark

and then the sun never rose

when he left me with that wedding card

it was a full moon a few moments back

i look my face into the moon

asks from the almighty

" am i not beautifull or a face a man can never notice ?

  but he said that looks were temporary, and a beautifull heart is what he wants! "

but her heart had always been beating for others

then where did the things go wrong ?

I cried when i missed him

but, today i am not

my eyes are dry

I am silent

no turbulence, no violence, no disorder

I am quiet and smiling

but managed to bring a tear down my cheek

.

.

.

.

a few more days passed away

and finally comes the day of his wedding

he is handsome as he always had been

his bride is an angel descended down from heaven

the groom is searching for his best friend

but, the lovely lady wont come .

rings the man his best friend

“ no, i cannot pick up the call .

 i really would not be able to explain

pick up the call dammit!

may be he realised.

may be that girl ditched him.

may be he now wants me.

may be i am more pretty than she is. "

" hey. where are you?

  i am getting married in a few minutes

  wont you come dear? "

“Yeah, jus coming, on the way.”

Because she still expects.

She still expects his approval

She still expects his love.

bas kabhi kabhi

kabhi kabhi itne shabd hotey hai 
ki likhtey likhtey kam pad jatey hai
aur kabhi kabhi itney shabd hotey hai
ki meri kalam mai he theher jate hai

kabhi kabhi itna gam hota hai
ki aanson nikal jatey hai
aur kabhi kabhi itna gam hota hai 
ki yhe aankhen he sookh jati hai

kabhi kabhi itni shikaytein hoti hai
ki hum unse lad jaghadtey hai
aur kabhi itni shikaytein hoti hai
hum gehri chupi saadh lete hai

kabhi kabhi itni yaad aati thi
ki hum virha ki aag mai jaltey they
aaj itni yaad aati hai
ki hum khud se he baatein kar lete hai

kabhi kabhi sochtey they 
ki unhe apne dil ki baat btayein
aaj itna sochtey hai 
ki khud se whi baat daurhayein ya na daurhayein

khushi hoti to avsos na kartey
gam hota to shikva na kartey
kabhi kabhi gumsum rhke
bas kabhi kabhi hum yuhi socha kartey hai

kyu jeeke bhi jeene ka ahsaas nahi hia
kyu sab kuch hoke bhi adhoora sa khwab abhi hai
kyu khushi aur gam hume ek jaise he lagtey hai
kyu tere baad humre sab begane he lagtey hai

bas kabhi kabhi 
bas kabhi kabhi 
bas kabhi kabhi...

bcz i cannot love you

when i whistle in blowing wind
your lips sing a melancholy melody
when rain drops drizzle over my body
they seem sparkling on your skin

when i walk on this lonely boulevard
i feel myself along with you
when i say something to myself
i feel you listening me and embracing

oh..baby..i am you and you are me
is this love baby? or am i going insane?
please tell me it isnt'
bcz i cannot love you

the letters i wrote to you
came back to my address
the people i know since ages
starting knowing me from your name


oh..baby..i am you and you are me
is this love baby? or am i going insane?
please tell me it isnt'
bcz i cannot love you


oh..baby..i am you and you are me
is this love baby? or am i going insane?
please tell me it isnt'
bcz i cannot love you

She Made Me Stood Still

Small eyes like a speck on a wall

Nose as thin as waist of a belly dancer

Her lips were as usual as red colour of a rose

And skin tone darker than any white

Her body was sleek though

And a dressing style charming

And she was all in whites

But, still there was something attractive

About her..her attire

I tried to notice her hair..may be they were long or bronze

Cant say..as she stood facing me all the time

Me dumbstruck..my skin got bumpy

And let me remind you that I am a girl

So..i would want to know..

Know from where or what ?

 the lady radiates an aura

That is purer than a pearl

And greener  than any spring season

And then I went closer

Looked into her eyes

There laid a melancholy

Unseen or  seen but uncared..

My eyes blinked..and so they did many times

I felt as if time had dilated for a while

All I see was her..her eyes..

So small as if intentionally done 

to hide from common people

And unhide from lunatic observers

And then they started wrapping her in papers

And packing in brown cardboard boxes

And I stood still and quiet

Still Thinking hard to solve the riddle

Where..from where did the beauty emerge?

It was beautiful..i know..they say..
but ..what was it that all laid?

I felt cherishing her beauty one time

After all she was “my” creation

And then at another moment

I felt poisoned and betrayed

I filled life in her

And she..what did she do to me..

 made me still and stunned?

Its magical to admire your work sometimes

Because you know the flaws in them all the times

And still, you have to find  the beauty

Because you know somewhere it exists...

but… what , where and how much..

You just don’t know exactly…

Its exemplary to realise how ironical is the fact

The creator of beauty is the most ignorant person

About its aura, charm and effulgence

And most important about its “beauty”

By loving and being loved

When you sent me to this earth

I was crying, weeping and screaming loud

My eyes were red, moist and swollen

And voice was choked by some spirit over

The angels then came and sat by my side

and started hugging me with affection wide

bidding a farewell to one of their child

oh! the child has a heart beating with pace such high

that it may burst with silent crys

"you told me about “being human”

and appreciated the genius minds of this universe

you showed me the beauty of green nature

and talked about the feasts enjoyed by humans

your angels carried me towards my “to be home”

and showed how protective a mother’s lap was

your messenger prepared a necklace of flowers

and earrings of shells near a beach cool and large

they decorated me into a beautiful attire

and mesmerised me with dimples of sparking smiles

but, what about me..my soul ?

The apple will nourish my body.

But Where will the daemon go?

Where will it get its nourishment from?”

“dear! You haven’t  even started yet

 Still, You are thinking too much.

Look! you have already started developing human!

This! exactly..this is the magic of my creation

Go! Go with some flying colours.

Climb, dance, talk and most importantly..fly apart"

"mm...my...my soul...

if it was hungry, thirsty and incomplete

in a house of god and angels

imagine! what its plight gonna be

on a land of greedy and chahoho creatures

it will be assaulted, scratched and mercilessly sucked

and...."

"nourish..nourish it...nourish its every fibre and grain

give..give it..fathoms of energy..

and quanta of sunlight..

nourish..nourish it..and then you will fly..fly apart."

"but h...hhh...how?"

"by loving and being loved”

author's note:
many poets, writers, philosophers and other great minds of this universe have talked about the existence of a soul or some power unseen and divine residing in this dark body made up of matter. often our (entire human race..) activities encroach us..directly or indirectly. here, we criticise or express our helplessness of the human nature. our allegations and complaints even target GOD sometimes. but, remember.."moh-maya" is enjoyed by body; and so, body itself repays for it. but, we can let the sacred flame of our soul burn by the very emotion GOD incorporated in EVERY human. that is, love. and this is not love of a man and a woman. but, divine love. you could love every human around yourself and cherish their being. i say, not human even. you could love any creature. i say, not creature even. one could love some thing non-living. and then, lets think about loving some thing non-existent. then, how divine will that be? and when you love, you are being loved.  

:with love~~isha jain~~

"because what you sow is not always what you reap"

I saw my neighbour’s veranda

with a beautiful flower blooming 

a fragrance giving joy and pleasure

a feel soft and full of leisure

the petals were red and magnificent

But then there were fences

long, wretched and horny. . . .

i tried to reach
i tried to crawl
giving my last breath on and on
it hurt as it penetrated deep
tears in eyes and bleeding skin
but, all in vain..all efforts futile..
the flower is charming and magnetic
but smiling far apart from me

Give it a thought my dear me!

What if my garden also blooms
with beautys exemplary

Let us do no more wait

Time is precious and over flowing
don’t let the grains go away

Determined I was

Prepared myself up

With seeds, water, soil and a few more things

I went to my veranda on and on

Dig the soil, sow a seed and poured water more and more

Made sure it gets sunshine

To grow, bloom and bear fruits
fruits juicy and rich
giving joy, satisfaction and bliss

That day the night I slept

Was unusual in the sense I ever had had

It was excitement, curiosity and nervousness

But my optimism showed me dreams

Of fragrance, soft and red 

I woke up the next day

To add nourishment to the pot

Talked to it..shared my griefs 
and poured expectations I ever had

It still lies somewhere underneath

I cannot see, listen or even feel

What drives is an everlasting hope

That it will grow one day and bloom
as it does on my neighbour’s roof

“come on! Wake up! You cannot do this.

 Days have passed and so months..

Bear flowers and fruits..

common..I can no more resist you.”

But all what I saw

Were weeds growing

That perpetuated the more i was plucking

Too much of sunshine

Had burned a few of buds that

Once had even ever occurred

The standing water

Became a room for algae

and a beautiful flower was no where to be seen

Days passed and so did months

And then came a time when summers had come

Finished the season for magnificent roses

The seeds are dormant

and so did me

I laid in my bed

Tossing from here and there

Drops a tear down my cheeks

When comes a voice somewhere from within

“because what you sow

Is not always what you reap”

author's note:

we all have wishes, dreams, desires and everlasting hopes in life. we always aspire and want a few things to be fulfilled. some of our wishes are very practical, that is, they always have fair chances of being fulfilled; while others only rest in our figments of imagination..all through our life. whatever be the intensity of dreams, howsoever achieved or failed a person is, each one of us at every stage of life has some wish pending. and, i believe..this is not wrong. we all are humans and it is natural and legal to wish in a democratic country.

the wish of possessing a garden of blooming flowers are metaphoric to our day-to-day wishes and demands. the narrator being inspired for the same by noticing a garden on his neighbour's roof is no coincidence. you will have to agree that most of your desires are perpetuated by noticing that of others! 

the narrator trys to fulfil it by pouring water, sunshine, manure...and even talks and discusses its griefs with it. same way, we work hard, toil and put every torment to fulfil our dreams. we even travel through sleepless nights..tossing in bed..the way narrator did. but, sometimes too much of care and concern rather deteriorates the things; just the way too much of water on standing and too much of sunshine did to his garden. . . .

but then, a candle needs darkness to light. what i mean is "unfulfilled wishes" are sometimes the essence of living on. so, i don't regret for unfulfilled things. hope my readers even don't. 
:with love~isha jain~

TRAVELERS IN DESERT

A hot shining sun overhead

Its heat was at its peak

Lifted my head to catch a glimpse of it

And then there were contracted pupil

As if even they were afraid from its

 high intensity and ultraviolet

my head down not to prevent the light

but in awe, stress and disgrace

the travelers took their shirts off

most of those were in light or white

dipped them in water meagre  or none

and tied them on head  round  and tight

most of them now ressembled to those dacoits or terrorists

watched in movies or read in newspapers

over and over but never witnessed

no..I don’t say I am a fashion vista

Or a tourist eager to get clicked

But looking like a ran out from some group of mafia

Was completely out of a few girlish things I did

Unwrapped the stole round my neck

And wrapped over head and face

To the maximum I can

I saw a man taking out his clothes off

And then only a red colored boxers on and all

He tored it into pieces which were then folded

To air himself in motion ought to be repeated

My eyes fell as I had the notion

Had I been the eve before eating the apple

I checked my sling bag

For a bottle of water

It had an amount far less than for a toddler

My eyes twinkled and tongue twirled

As it was a gift in a hot and dry desert

And then A gulp of water

Through my throat

Brought  a  gaze of  eyes dark and deep

 With accompalice of a silent plea

“pretty girl! My baby is hungry

a drop of water is no less than an urgency.”

The sound was soft, slow and lovely

When interrupted words from a man dark and eyes bulging

“you are young ,growing and gay

  can sustain without water days and days

  I am  a weak and old man

 who  feels his life coming to an end”

I smacked my lips

With my tongue out

trying to lick

Even a few drops around

My mouth dint utter any words

Nor did the head lifted up

Before  the eyes had grown to refuse them

An empty water bottle is all I showed them

I was seated on a camels back

When I admired a big hump he had

I wished if I too had had

Must have stored water for months long back

I moved my head round and round

To see if any plants on soil I did found

But all I saw was sand and sand

With tiny grains blue, brown and black

Those grains shifted from here to there

 As if they  too were searching for a chill nowhere

But I wont lie if I say

That a line of dots I saw again and again

A fine level of sand all across

I Kept my eye glued over all

Only to find a scorpion underneath it

It moved on that sand

With an ease

As if a show stopper on a ramp in heels

In the task of creeping

That creature left its footprints

All alone and mind not working

Silly! You are noticing so petty things

 And then a lady touched a plant of cactus

(Huh! How offensive appears to call cactus a plant I think

For it neither gives shade nor juicy fruits to eat)

When a flow of blood started rushing out through her finger

And his husband took her finger in his mouth

Unable to guess if to calm her

Or to suck that fluid on a hot and dry desert around

The journey is hard, dry and sunny

All peace and calm

But still commotion within

Time is slipping and so are resources

All mirage and nothing could be trusted

That dark man said it all right

His life was nearing an end hot and dry